our-yoga

It appears that I have been bit hard by the travel bug. A couple of weeks ago, I was in the Twin Cities (these are the cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, for those of you outside the United States) for Matthew Sweeney's workshop. After I returned to Moorhead, I felt restless and honestly, a little bummed out that my yoga vacation was over. I tried to buckle down and prepare for my fall classes. I did some of that, but I still felt restless. So, what do I do? That's right, go on the road again! So this past weekend, we (my fiancee and I) went back to the Twin Cities. As with all my previous travels there, two things stand out prominently: Food and yoga. I had a few great practices at the Yoga House, and a little culinary (mis)adventure on Friday night. I also discovered a great coffee shop; a nice place to retreat to after mysore practice ;-)

Yoga

I went to three classes at the Yoga House: Friday morning and Sunday morning mysore, and Saturday morning led primary. Which meant I skipped my rest day. I decided that it was worth it; since I don't usually get to practice with other people, I wanted to make the most of this opportunity.

During yesterday (Sunday) morning's mysore, I did second up to Karandavasana. After vacillating back and forth for a few weeks, I decided to split after all; if both Matthew Sweeney and Kino MacGregor think I should split, I guess I should, right? Anyway, during yesterday morning's mysore, as I exited Bhekasana, the teacher came up to me and asked me if I could do the posture again, so she could take a picture of me in the posture. I feel very honored to know that somebody out there actually thinks my Bhekasana is worth preserving on film :-) So I got into Bhekasana again, and here's the result:

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It's hard to believe our trip here to Mysore is already more than half way over. Like I always say, coming here feels like being in a time warp. The days go by at rapid pace and yet a deep sense of feeling at home in the practice sink in, as if I've been here for much longer. It comes at no surprise and yet it always startles me in a way. The monsoon rains have given opportunity for internal reflection and is indicative of my time here. There are periods of darkness within, a pouring out, a purging as one could say, and then the clouds part, the sun shines, drying up all that was washed away. To then see things in a new light, a new perspective. I feel filled up. I also have sense of what new areas that are present for new growth. Ever endless. An exciting opportunity to peel new layers of existence to the surface. It must not go wasted.

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Mysore, India

Just rounding out our third week in Mysore. The weather has been touch and go with bouts of daily rain and glimpses of sunshine. Most trips have been during the winter months, usually December/January. The last time I was in Mysore during monsoon was in 2007. I like it here during this time of year. It's still warm but not stifling with refreshing breezes. The rains clean the air. The dryer months are lovely too with endless sunshine. Mysore is like an oasis.

Practice has been running rather deep. With it being Friday I can feel it. A good tired. Like everything has been rung out of the body at an intense level. There are lapses in the practice where I feel as if I have no more to give but somehow I make it through anyway. More than a physical challenge it's a mental one. No matter how high the climb all you can do is take it one breath at time.

As the toughness of my practice arises there is an opportunity to dig deeper inside. To be in it, fully. Not wanting to be anywhere else.

Leaning in. Letting go.

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Finished our second week of the course, starting our third. There has been a gradual build up which has been nice. It reminds me how important it is to simply deepen the areas already visited many times before, exploring each movement with a fresh open mind. Coming to our mats with a beginners mindset everyday brings it alive. It's a way of being present within everything. More postures don't always bring maturity in the practitioner. Doesn't matter how fancy or complicated they are. It can be a feast for the eyes but the true beauty is the intentional mindset of the one who inhabits the posture. An alignment of what this practice points us to. Being here has continued to re-establish the beauty of this tradition and also the brevity of it. There is lightness in it. It brings us to the light. We can't cling to it, we can only dwell in it, because we are it.

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Outside KPJAYI

"It would be easier to roll up the entire sky into a small cloth than it would be to obtain true happiness without knowing the Self."  

(Upanishads)

I'm in Mysore. In the mist of rounding out my 3rd week today. My 7th trip and as always feels as if I'm coming into something new. I like to be in a space of discovery and exploration within the practice. It takes the edge off. It is important to touch, taste and feel every part of the experience. Even those challenging bits we find ourselves in on occasion. At this point settling in happens with ease but the practice in the shala is always full of surprises. Whether pleasant or unpleasant, witnessing the process of unfolding allows me to sit in a place of neutrality and observation. Understanding what is in and out of my control I can then ride the wave of energy that no matter what courses strong in the room like a steady march.

There have been so many things I have been contemplating lately. The process we all go through from time to time most certainly ebbs and flows in life and recently I have been feeling a flow. So many impressions and mental processes have come to light that sometimes it has been overwhelming. Within all of this I continue to place my heart in the center of it all. With countless hours of practice and study under my belt I am beginning to realize and lean on the simplicity of what it all culminates to. Can I love more openly? Can I live more open heartedly? How often do I rest on my fears and close? Do I extend a hand to the unfamiliar? Am I kind? Because it doesn't matter how many trips I make to Mysore and it doesn't matter how may complicated asanas I can do, if I don't open to the truth it is pointless.

I desire to push myself inside the unknowingness of it all. To look at everything with new eyes. To even come to my mat with a new perspective and curiosity. Because if I place too much importance on structure and the familiar I'm as good as dead, and ultimately building my spiritual home on sand. It isn't easy and sometimes you are stricken for it, but then again, everyone who has done anything of significance came to realize these challenges. Sometimes the path we take isn't accepted by the masses. The truth speaks ever so clearly and the courage to rise up to it can show itself in a myriad of ways. With this realization I can honor various paths and experiences and see the beauty in it all. No matter what differences that stand between, when understanding the truth, all walls tend to crumble.  

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Ranko and I practicing at Ashtanga Yoga Belgrade. Ranko is a true inspiration and I had the pleasure of teaching a weekend intensive with his students. 

“All the while a silent laughter sings, like wind through an open window saying: be deeper still, stand at Zero.” 

(Rumi)

Over the course of the last few months I've had an intense schedule of teaching which in turn means tons of learning every step of the way. As most have experienced when teaching the learning goes hand in hand. I tend to throw myself into the abyss not really sure how I will land. Knowing if it flows from my heart how can I be faulted? In many ways I could give or take the label of teacher because what it feels like from my core is a sharing of experience and a holder of a method of practice I embrace in reverence.

This past year on an internal level was a struggle if I am to be frank. From last winter through the spring I felt the crushing feelings of exhaustion and sadness triggered by various events but also a pouring out of what needed to be burned away. Instead of acting as if it wasn't there I immersed myself in it. I looked at it. I observed the feelings and felt the insurgence of memories I wished never were. Like a flood everything rushed in filling every empty space of my consciousness. Luckily, I had the freedom to feel what it was I needed to feel and to be sad if I needed to feel the sadness. It is never an easy thing for your partner to experience but to have the freedom to simply be without expectation is truly an act of unselfish love.

As the summer approached I slowly started to turn a corner. Through all the ups and downs I continued to work because as the saying goes, life moves on and what we bring forth ultimately heals us. What is the use in holding back? As my energy slowly resurged with a few hiccups here and there then came a sense of softness. Oh how important it is to simply soften. Even though I can feel myself revert I come to understand how within the softening there is a receptivity on a much deeper level as before. There is so much to taste and open to and at the same time I have learned how important it is to keep watch over my energy. I tend to recharge my batteries in a space of silent contemplation, writing, and/or reading. Though it is still a challenge for me to say "no" I have learned how important it is to make time to recharge and be still.

With the approach of the autumn season I had many commitments planned and it all seemed to flow in due order especially in light of honoring the process of unfolding months prior. True in what they say that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I can attest to that. Also looking back I can see how easy it is to be self identified with pain as well thinking as if we are special in some way because of a certain state of disarray. It never ceases to amaze how the importance of gratitude can pull one out of the dumps and into a clearer perspective. Given the opportunity to give space to the feelings is a luxury in which many don't have.

With the passing of the last several months many have touched me deeply as I've soaked in the wisdom of those who have crossed my path. I take it all to heart, in the workshops I've taught to our Mysore students here in Stockholm. We've built a community that has started to stand united in a very short amount of time. It's an energy wave that is headed into an exciting new direction and I feel blessed to be a part of it. It hasn't always been easy, especially in the infancy stages. It is work you must see through at every turn. Where practical experience, steadiness and passion must stand united for there to be growth, honoring the truth of each person I encounter on the mat.

Where there is quality and attention there is love. 

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It's now about 9:20 a.m. in Bozeman, MT. About an hour ago, I finished self practice with Lino and his assistants at his workshop here at the Ashtanga Yoga School of Montana, and am now chilling and writing this post in a coffeeshop.

Self practice a.k.a. Mysore was good. Lino seems to be a very unassuming, no-nonsense kind of person, and he and his assistants do a very good job of working the room and giving adjustments/assists. I got a few interesting adjustments. In addition to the de rigueur adjustment in downward dog that pretty much everybody gets in the Suryas, I also got a few interesting pointers:

(1) In Surya B, one of Lino's assistants stopped me and asked me to redo both Utkatasana and Virabhadrasana A again, and told me that the arms should sweep outward to the sides as they arc up to the final overhead position. Over the last couple of years, I have gotten used to kind of just moving the arms straight up overhead from my torso, mainly for fear of hitting the person next to me if I sweep my arms out to the side. I wonder if there is some kind of anatomical or energetic effect that one can get from sweeping the arms out to the side that one can't get from simply moving them straight up overhead from the torso. Hmm... maybe I'll ask Lino during this afternoon's Q & A.

(2) In Padahastasana, Lino came over and asked me to get out of the posture. He then informed me that my feet were too wide in this pose; without being really conscious of it, my feet have been way wider than hips width in this posture. He told me that the feet should not be wider than the hips. Point taken :-)

(3) As this was my very first time practicing in front of Lino, I decided to just do full primary today. I assumed that also meant that for backbending, I should just do three Urdhva Dhanurasanas, then go into Paschimottanasana. Which is what I did.

But I suppose I should have known better than to think I can get away so easy. When I was in Sarvangasana (shoulderstand), Lino came over, pointed to my feet, and said, "Down! Down!" At first, I thought he meant that my feet were too far over my head in shoulderstand, and that he wanted me to move my feet so that they were more in line with my shoulders. So I tried to follow accordingly, and moved my feet as much above my shoulders as possible without having to get out of shoulderstand. But he still said, "Down! Down!" Which was when I realized that he wanted me to exit shoulderstand altogether. So I exited shoulderstand, and got to my feet. This is roughly how the conversation proceeded from this point: 

Lino: "Did you do three dropbacks and standups?"

Nobel [Ha! Busted!]: "No...I did three UDs and then Paschimottanasana."

Lino: "Okay. Now you do three dropbacks and standups. When you are finished, then you cross your hands in front of your chest like this [he showed me the crossed-hands-in-front-of chest position], and wait for me to come drop you back."

Nobel: "Yes." [What would have happened if I said no, I wonder?...]

So I did as he instructed. And after the three dropbacks and standups, he came over, dropped me back halfway five times. On the fifth time, I dropped my hands all the way to the ground, and he stood me up. And then I went into Paschimottanasana. End of story.

I've noticed that this workshop has attracted a lot of people from all over North America. I drove four-and-a-half hours to get here from Idaho. I noticed somebody who had driven here from Arizona, which is at least ten hours away. And a few other people drove eight hours from Saskatchewan, Canada. Which is not all that surprising, considering Lino's stature as a senior teacher, and the fact that he doesn't come to North America all that often.

That's all I have to say for now. I'm probably going to chill here for a few more hours till this afternoon's pranayama and Q&A session. Maybe I'll visit the used bookstore next door. Bozeman is a really nice town to visit. More later.          

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Outside KPJAYI

Mysore. Is it Magic? Yes, but not magic in the way you may think. Often I don't realize what is in the process of developing or what has been ignited until I leave. Something is always working just below the surface and can manifest in ways that may surprise, delight or even scare you, because truly it is about the unknown. I always find it interesting when listening to the criticism in regards to practicing at the source. Practicing here has a way of mirroring our own inner turmoil and then people blame the place. Be happy that it does because that is where the awareness can begin to shine it's wisdom upon our blocks and projections. Within that a new freedom can be found. I've had practices where I have felt shattered and broken, and often those are the best lessons that can be learned and experienced. If it wasn't worth it then I don't think I would continually feel the call to go back no matter how arduous the work is. Work that gives, and exposes, internally washing away the chains of conditioning. 

You may ask why go then? Good question. Why? Well, I will tell you. It is like no other place to practice. May sound like a canned answer with no depth and meaning behind it, but really it is as simple as that. At first you don't even realize how deep it begins to work under the watchful eye of R. Sharath Jois, but words can't really begin to illustrate fully, and I'm not sure I am prepared to try. However, in the same light, to describe practicing at KPJAYI as about unicorns and rainbows is a fallacy. Simply put, it is what it is. What arises will be your lesson and your lesson alone. The thing that is most interesting is the intensity of practice has a way of aggravating what we cling to. We then have the opportunity to see what no longer serves us and the definitive change begins only when we decide to lean into those areas through what arises. If we continue to practice and ignore, then we still live in the same delusion. However, that in itself can be a lesson. When traveling somewhere to simply focus on practice is yes, in a sense, a luxury, but one that gives an opportunity to reduce our worldly distractions and responsibilities for a block of time to then tune into our internal landscape facilitated by the energy and focus generated in the room.  Simply put, it feels amazing to be a part of it. 

Another thing to remember is the community that encapsulates all when in Mysore reaches not only far and wide, but deep, colored by a vast array of cultures and backgrounds enriches the experience of being there. Much can be learned not only on and off the mat but also how we interrelate and learn from each other as students and stewards of this amazing process. My recommendation is to soak it up.

There will always be spinmakers and haters who will plant a seed of doubt about it all. Funny how some of the biggest critics who say it isn't for them have never stepped foot inside KPJAYI. 
It is important to remember that it's not about getting or attaining something, it's about realization and recognition. I think that can be the frustrating part for those who feel they need an immediate payback, understanding or experience. All I can say is what develops is priceless. It's so much more than receiving a magical adjustment or given validation. Here you strengthen what cannot be seen with the naked eye. Never once has Sharath or being in the presence of Guruji when he was alive (however one could say he is very much alive there), have I gotten the impression that asana is of most importance. Quickly and clearly one learns just how minimal it is and in the same light how important the ritual becomes and the attentive awareness we open to as we touch a bigger and greater part of ourselves. The magic. 

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During the first week of June we had the pleasure of hosting Jörgen Christiansson at Yogayama to share his wisdom and insight in regards to the practice of Ashtanga yoga which included a week of Mysore practice, but of course. Jörgen is the only Swedish certified teacher and to have him back in his homeland under these circumstances made it extras special for those native to Sweden and also to those who are not, hahaha. He's a hands on teacher who honors the tradition in a way that runs deep within him. Living in L.A. and teaching at his own center Omkar108 Yoga take the time to visit if ever in the area. For those in Sweden who missed the opportunity to practice with him he'll be back next year in early June. It's time Sweden celebrated this Swedish teacher who has spent the last few decades traveling the world and studying yoga.

Many thanks to you Jörgen! See you next year if not before! 

☮

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 Jackfruit 

"The practice of asanas and pranayama is learning to control the body and the senses so the Inner light may come forth. That light is the same for the whole world and it is possible for man to experience this light, his own Self through correct Yoga practice. This is the natural outcome of a good practice and one will gradually learn to control the mind because one eventually will come to experience the very support of it. But the mind is indeed very difficult to control, but everything is made possible with right practice. We must therefore first and foremost practice, practice, practice for any real understanding of Yoga to take place. Then eventually we will be able to break the fixed patterns of the mind and taste the greater underlying support of it all.” 

- Sri K. Pattabhi Jois

 The Shala

 Coconut Time

First week, practicing in the shala, I'm always on a high. With feelings of comfort, exhilaration, mixed in with the energy of everyone in the room, let's just say, after a year of practicing alone, there is no other place I'd rather be. And, let's not forget the heat of tapas being burned. Settling into this breath paced practice, I hop onto the wave, and simply enjoy the ride. Second week, which I'm in the mist of now, reality sets in. The kinks in the body arise. When the high of the first week wears off, the real work begins. It will be a steady climb before I start to coast again. It always works out this way. 

It also takes a while to decompress from the pace of living compared to home. In India, one quickly learns that everything works left of center. Never quite right. Never fully efficient, but somehow things come together anyway. A good lesson in giving up control or else live the alternative of beating your head up against a brick wall. It's never fun and you'll tire of it eventually. 

Six trips, I feel blessed and thankful to have had the opportunity to come and as often as I have. I know it isn't always easy for those out there who are balancing many things to put together the trip. I know this, and it reminds me to never take it for granted. I think for me my first trip to India really put what I deemed important into perspective. Growing up in the U.S., quite frankly, I was forced fed a bunch of bullshit. Force fed good stuff too, but when young it was confusing distinguishing between my own growing intuition and knowing, and the cultural mores that surrounded me. I know this might be controversial for some, and no matter, it has brought me to this point of discovery. Freedom isn't always what we think it to be. Think on that. What does it really mean to be free? 

In the same light, I honor the balance of deepening yoga practice and creating a life out in the world of material. Some can use trips to Mysore as an escape, and quite frankly, I find dipping my toes into both worlds deems useful in honoring what it means to bring yoga into life. How can we know that the practice has done it's work? 

Through the years, with more practice, something more wants to be born. I find this exciting. I feel through yoga practice we uncover gifts, and it's our responsibility to bring it forward or else grow stagnant. In many ways, it's an offering. Our service to the world. Opening up to this there's a sense of release, and at the same time, a comfort in not knowing it all. When I'm here I like to keep my eyes and ears open as I tune into my awareness. Can I learn something new through my encounters? Can I be open and release all notions of knowing something. Because yoga doesn't work through association alone and idle gossip. It never has. 

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"Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as bird wings."  -Rumi

I've been called out. Update your blog, please. Yeah, you know who you are. So, I'm getting my ass in gear. I can't call myself any semblance of a writer if I don't write. Now, I'm not saying I'm good at it. No. It's just a craft I'd like to hone in on in the coming year. With that being said, I have writers all around me, blatantly showing me where I lack. Through thick and thin you must WRITE. It takes discipline, it takes focus, perseverance. Hmmmmm. Something else comes to mind as I speak, or write, about these attributes. Oh yeah, that little thing I do every morning and share with others on a regular basis. 

So, what have I been up to, and why have I been lacking in the blogging department? Yes, I have already racked up a long list of lame excuses. For starters, there has been loads of travel in the past 6 months. Even more reason to write. Lame excuse there. Two, sometimes I feel like I've written all there is to be said about yoga through my experience, etc. Is that possible? Sometimes I feel that way, but in reality, my juices just ran a bit dry. I guess I simply needed time to re-evaluate a few things. Also, with starting our Mysore program in Stockholm it took much of my energy and focus. A labor of love in the larger scope of things. With the program reaching its two year milestone this March everything about it has exceeded my expectations. One, I've learned the most important thing in regards to building a program; at the end of the day, it's about community and connection through the beauty and spirit of the Ashtanga yoga practice. In this regard, I'm thankful to feel so full and moved by it, that it sometimes feels as if I'm busting out at the seams. Let's just say, it's a good feeling to be on purpose. 

My life in Stockholm has had its challenges which comes with simply living a life, and no matter, I am still stunned to live in a city so beautiful and graceful. I guess you can say, I feel thankful to be settled in such a place. 

Now, if I were being more realistic, Stockholm looks more like this at the moment. Although, the bottom pics were taken before the record snow fall came. 

Alas, I'm not in Stockholm at the moment, while I miss all this fabulous winter weather (I'm never sarcastic, never) Instead, I'm in INDIA!!! Mysore, India, of course. For my annual trip to deepen practice, and be in the presence of my teacher, R. Sharath Jois. Including, connecting with the worldwide Ashtanga yoga community. All good reasons to be here. More to come. 

When writing on such things, I always like keep it through the eyes of my own experience. Being the oracle from Mysore giving reports on Sharath's conferences and such is not my thing, honestly. I like to keep it personal and authentic as I see it and feel it. All the other stuff is good reason why YOU, yes you, should come to Mysore. Experience it for yourself. Feel the magic of practice from the source. I haven't yet been uninspired by it. 

Every trip, every practice, a new fire is lit, as I do my best to fan the flames, until my next return.  

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During practice this morning, I tried speaking to the cockatiels again while holding my heels in Kapo. I didn't say anything profound, just some rather inane things like "Hello birds, where are you?" I did this, because I recently came up with this theory that if I can speak in complete sentences (albeit rather short and probably creepy-sounding ones, if anybody were around to hear them) in a more or less even tone while in the depths of Kapo, then my breath must be pretty even, and I must not be doing too badly in the pose. Maybe I should even give this thing I do a name: The bird-speaking test for proficiency in Kapotasana.  

For the record, I don't know what the Official Ashtanga Policy is on speaking to animals (or speaking to anything, really) during practice. I don't know if the Ashtanga police will arrest me (or maybe, let me get away with just a citation) for such incorrect method. But I really think there is some truth to this theory of mine: I mean, if you can't communicate with birds during a pose that is named after a bird, well, what good is your yoga practice? :-)

It also just occurred to me that this is one of the little advantages of practicing at home: If I try doing this in a shala, people will quite definitely think I'm nuts. In a shala, the problem will be compounded by the fact that there are no birds there. Which means I will probably have to try speaking to my neighbor while in Kapo ("Hello, so-and-so, what are you having for breakfast after practice?"...).  Which would quite definitely be creepy.

That said, however, there are good reasons for practicing in a shala. Especially if you are seriously thinking about making the transition from a led practice to Mysore style practice. Speaking of which, Kino just made a video about this topic:

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January 2012

I was given this photo which was extracted from the film documentary, Mysore Magic, in the bonus section of the DvD. Thanks to Lu, for passing it along! This is me with my teacher R. Sharath Jois. 

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