I don't think I have ever written a negative movie review on this blog. Well, there's always a first time, and that time is now. Last night, we (my fiancee and I) went to see Chernobyl Diaries at a local movie theater here. I really only have one thing to say about this movie: DON'T SEE IT. Actually, this is probably not strong enough as an anti-recommendation. So let me try this again: DON'T. FUCKING. SEE. IT.
But I guess you are probably thinking: Why should I listen to you? Good question. Well, I guess that means I actually have to say more than one thing about this movie. Sigh. Okay, here goes. First, the premise: A group of young and good-looking American tourists, armed with the all-too-youthful belief that they are invincible and that nothing can possibly hurt them (because they are (a) young and good-looking and (b) Americans) are traveling across Europe. When they get to Kiev, Ukraine, they decide to go on an "extreme tour" of the ghost town of Pripyat, which is located right next to the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant, which, as you probably know, was the site of the greatest nuclear power plant disaster back in 1986. Led by Uri, a Ukrainian "extreme tour guide" who is supposedly an ex-member of the special forces (and who, ironically, is the first person in the movie to get killed and disemboweled), the group soon find themselves stranded in the nuclear ghost town, and systematically attacked (and killed off) by a group of mutant beings/zombies/super-angry-nuclear-survivors/God-knows-what: It was never clear throughout the movie what these beings were; they just kind of appear very quickly in flashes, kill off whoever the director wants them to kill off, and then disappear, leaving our, uh, heroes in a state of extreme terror. And leaving the audience in a state of perplexed, puzzled disbelief ("WTF was that?!").
I have to admit that the initial premise was somewhat promising. But the whole movie is short on plot, and even shorter on character development. So much so, that it is virtually impossible to develop any empathy for the characters (which, if you are a horror movie fan, you will know to be an indispensable ingredient of any minimally successfully horror movie); midway through the movie, I actually, to my horror, found myself thinking, "OK, mutant beings/zombies/super-angry-nuclear-survivors/God-knows-what, please kill off these Americans already! Put them (and me) out of their misery. I mean, doesn't any American who is dumb enough to wander into this kind of place deserve to die anyway?"
Arghh... I can't believe I wasted nineteen dollars going to this movie. I'll say what I said at the beginning: DON'T. SEE. IT.
To add insult to injury, I almost got into an accident on the way home from the movie. We were driving home. As we were approaching an intersection, the car in the lane to my right suddenly swerved into my lane without any warning. Without even thinking (there was literally no time to think), I swerved into the next lane to the left to avoid hitting him (or her?). Good thing there wasn't a car in the next lane, or things would have been very not pretty. The thing is, that driver wasn't even cutting me off, although that would have been an asshole enough move on its own. We were virtually neck to neck next to each other, and he (or she?) just swerved into my lane, as if I wasn't there. Damn! Where do some people learn to drive? Maybe he (or she?) had too much to drink?
Maybe I'm being a little superstitious here, but I can't help feeling that there is a connection between watching that sucky horror movie and almost getting into an accident. To borrow a term from Eckhart Tolle, I felt that watching that movie somehow activated my pain body and brought it to the fore, attracting other pain-bodies in the vicinity. Tolle writes:
"When you realize that pain-bodies unconsciously seek more pain, that is to say, that they want something bad to happen, you will understand that many traffic accidents are caused by drivers whose pain-bodies are active at the time. When two drivers with active pain-bodies arrive at an intersection at the same time, the likelihood of an accident is many times greater than under normal circumstances. Unconsciously they both want the accident to happen."
Interesting, don't you think? You know, I really felt a big energy surge during and after the near-accident. Immediately after I swerved and avoided the accident, I was filled with many angry thoughts: Among other things, I really wanted to speed up, catch up with the offending driver, stop him (or her), shake him (or her) by the shoulders, and go, "WTF's wrong with you? Who taught you to drive this way?" Even after I got home, it took me the better part of half an hour to bring my energies under control.
Moral of the story? I don't know... Don't watch bad horror movies?
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