our-yoga

This post is a response to Steve's recent post on this topic over at the Confluence Countdown.

First, allow me, as a non-native English speaker, to bring your attention to a linguistic/semantic issue here: The trouble with the word "hurt" is that it encompasses an entire universe of physical and mental phenomena, all of which probably have nothing very much in common with each other, other than their propensity to induce some kind of noticeably strong unpleasant sensation in you. For instance, when you get passed over by your boss for a promotion--or, in an Ashtanga context, when you get passed over by your teacher for that next pose in the series--it "hurts." And when you are doing a pose that gets into your psoas really deeply, that burning sensation also "hurts." And then again, when--Shiva forbid--you tear your hamstring at the attachment and walk funny for six months or more, that "hurts" too.  Of course, the "hurt" in each of these cases refers to a different kind of thing with different causes, and may be good or bad for you.

But that's precisely my point. What kind of hurt are we talking about here? In a sense, it may not matter. Anybody who has attended any of David Williams' workshops will know his more-or-less famous words, "If it hurts, you're doing it wrong." Plain and simple. Well, if Williams is right (and why shouldn't he be? After all, he was one of the first westerners to go to Mysore and study with Guruji, and he's been practicing longer than I have been alive), then my practice is seriously wrong, because I cannot in all honesty say that my practice has never hurt before.

But now that I know that I am doing it wrong (or at least, have done it wrong before), what am I going to do about it? One option is to quit Ashtanga forever, and maybe take up one of the new trendy yogas that Steve has outlined in this recent post. But I'm not quite ready to do this yet (maybe when I turn 60, instead of doing the rishi series, I will switch to one of these new trendy yogas; if they're still new and trendy at that time, of course :-)). So what to do? Well, the only thing to do, as I see it, is to talk asana: Go into the specifics of the physical practice, and see how to make it not hurt (or at least hurt less). I'll start with something Steve says in his post. He writes:

"Which of us hasn’t had a teacher stand on us in Baddha Konasana? What about that last little stretch in Marichyasana D or Supta Kurmasana? And, judging from the noise folks make in Kapotasana, I suspect it isn’t exactly pleasant." 

Wow, this is quite a lot to chew on. Well, first, I've actually never had a teacher stand on me in Baddha Konasana. So I can't say anything about this. What about that "last little stretch" in Mari D and Supta K? Well, speaking from my own experience, I have found that if one wants to get deeper in either of these postures, it's actually more productive to work on either the hip-opening postures that come before these postures in primary, or spend more time working on hip-openers outside of the practice altogether (longer holds in Baddha Konasana, double-pigeon, etc.). I have found that pursuing either of these strategies is ultimately more productive (and less hurt-inducing) than trying to "inch" one's way into that last little stretch while in the posture itself.

What about Kapotasana? Ha, now we're talking about a whole world of hurt. First, I'm not a natural backbender; Kino once told me half-jokingly that Ashtangis can broadly be divided into two types: people with open hips and stiff backs, and people with open backs and stiff hips. I fall into the former type. Not being a natural backbender, I have to work pretty hard in backbends to get the hips far enough forward so that I can get into the psoas rather than just the lower back, and get my upper and middle back to open so that more of the backbending comes from my upper and middle back rather than solely from my lumbar spine.

Nowhere is this work more apparent than in Kapotasana. Although I have been doing Kapotasana for almost two years now, I still have to "hang" for a few breaths before I dive for my feet in Kapo (depending on the condition of my spine on a particular day, "few" can be anywhere from three to five to ten breaths). The sensation of waiting for whatever it is in the spine that needs to open to open is not exactly pleasant, but I wouldn't categorize it as "hurt" either.  It's just... not pleasant. And it's probably not pleasant because it's not a position that my usually-hunched-forward-over-a-computer-or-steering-wheel body finds natural.

But I did go through a period when Kapotasana hurt. Like hell. Here's the whole story. I was first given Kapo by my teacher at his shala in Milwaukee. Within a few weeks, he managed to assist me into grabbing my heels. At that time, I had yet to be able to stand up from dropping back (I guess my teacher isn't traditional in this way). And then something in my lower back started to hurt, and my teacher suggested that I stop doing Kapo for a few weeks, and work on really being able to stand up from dropping back. His theory was that my inability to stand up indicated a lack of strength/stability somewhere in the spine, and that lack of strength/stability was causing my lower back to hurt. Sounds like a very reasonable theory, I thought. So I stopped doing Kapo for a few weeks, and focused my attention on dropping back and standing up. After a few weeks, I started doing Kapo again. After another couple of weeks, I was able to grab my heels on my own, by first landing my hands on the ground, and then walking them until they grab the heels.

And this was when things started to hurt big time. For about two weeks after I began to grab my heels by myself in Kapo, I would wake up every morning with really bad back pain. It was so bad, that I had to slowly crawl out of bed and kind of crawl/walk to the bathroom. At the same time, my teacher was in Mysore, so I couldn't ask him what to do to stop the hurt. One obvious way to stop the hurt is, of course, to simply stop doing Kapo, or maybe not go so deeply into the posture. But I discovered that not going so deeply into the posture actually made the back hurt even more (don't know why). And I was too stubborn/crazy to stop doing the posture altogether; it's things like this that make me think that many Ashtangis (at least this Ashtangi) are crazy egomaniacs; I mean, any normal person would have just freaked out and stopped doing it, right? Maybe even write everything up and send it to the NYT for a wreck-your-body-worthy article. But not this crazy Ashtangi. But even this Ashtangi couldn't endure the indignity of having to crawl out of bed every morning. So I had to find some way of reducing the hurt... no, I didn't take any painkillers or drugs or steroids. Instead, I suddenly thought of a posture sequence that I learnt from Eddie Modestini and Nicki Doane on Maui a few years ago. Eddie and Nicki did not say anything about this sequence's ability to reduce back pain, but somehow, in my pain, my mind/body managed to make the connection between my present hurt and this sequence. Anyway, here's the sequence:

(1) Get into Mandukasana. Stay in Mandukasana for five to ten breaths.

 

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IF

IF you can disentangle

yourself from your selfish self

all heavenly spirits
 will stand ready to serve you

if you can finally hunt down

your own beastly self

you have the right

to claim Solomon’s kingdom

you are that blessed soul who

belongs to the garden of paradise

is it fair to let yourself

fall apart in a shattered house

you are the bird of happiness

in the magic of existence

what a pity when you let

yourself be chained and caged

but if you can break free

from this dark prison named body

soon you will see

you are the sage and the fountain of life

- Rumi (translated by Nader Khalili)

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Just watched this latest video by Kiki. Pretty funny. Does anybody know which series has that pose where you drink chai while balancing with one leg behind your shoulder?

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Rosacea is another disease of skin which causes redness and pimples on the body of human being and specially it appears on  forehead , cheeks, chin, and nose parts. This redness can frequently appear or suddenly disappear. Specialists also call rosacea as "adult acne" because rosacea may cause outbreaks which looks same like acne.
It can be embarrassing sometimes or in the case it is untreated than it will get worst and worst day by day.

Mysore, India

"If you remain in the present moment, you will never get hurt. Forget about your past life. Forget about your future life. Unless your open your heart, unless you jump into the inner abyss, you are not going to become enlightened. Ultimately, you have to knock on your own door; you have to beg at your own door; you have to come back to yourself."

- Hindu Teaching 

"The one you are looking for is the one who is looking." This saying has given profound meaning to me as of late. The search is over. I only need look inward. Utilizing the tools, such as yoga, meditation, chanting, prayer, etc., drive us deeper into ourselves. However, we must choose to do so. These practices make the season ripe for inner knowing and connection, but if we become enamored more with the ceremony than what we are looking toward it is easy to miss the mark. All in all, no matter, it is important that we simply make the effort.

I have clearly observed the array of follies and insecurities that can arise within, or maybe not so clearly. How quickly I can mistrust myself when rubbed up against certain external situations. In retrospect, I always end up a bit disappointed that I didn't trust the inner knowing present. It can be so easy to deny this wisdom. As I mature it becomes more evident that the answers don't lie anywhere beyond my reach.

“Truth undermines the self to which we so desperately cling. The truth is not hidden from us, we are hiding from it.”  - Kabbalah

Thank God, I have the practice of yoga.

Through it all, as I dive inside, that is where the praise ends up going. God. Yes, even bringing up the word has a tendency to freak people out. As my relationship and comfort in relying on this internal wisdom has grown, I have found my relationship with God, or whatever you want to call it, exalts itself into an intimate space. It's personal. It's quiet. It speaks in whispers and little nudges. It's gentle.

There is never a need to boast or verbalize what it is we do to connect. It doesn't matter. There is no need for competition. We are all made of the same stuff. We are connected to the same source. Truth. Imposing any type of arrogance into the practices we do sucks the essence out of our true nature. We've missed the mark. I guess that too is part of the process.

At the end of the day I feel the importance of relaxing about it all because it is here, now, in these intimate moments, always has been, always will be.

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Green Hotel - Mysore, India

There are different wells within your heart.  

Some fill with each good rain,  

Others are far too deep for that.  

In one well You have just a few precious cups of water,  

That “love” is literally something of yourself,   

It can grow as slow as a diamond If it is lost. 

Your love should never be offered to the mouth of a  

Stranger, only to someone

Who has the valor and daring

To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife 

Then weave them into a blanket  

To protect you. There are different wells within us.  

Some fill with each good rain,  

Others are far, far too deep For that. 

- Hafiz

I'm a Hafiz and Rumi junkie. There is not one thing they have written that hasn't moved me on some level. The idea of the ecstatic dance they lived in fascinates me. The above poem came in perfect timing. I am entering a stage where it has become ever more important to keep watch over where I fill my well, so to speak. Where I take my energy, and who I spend my time with. Most importantly, keeping those who have offered their souls, who have given courageously in friendship and in love, close to my heart. Never taking any of it for granted. 

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It seems that the Ashtanga blogosphere never tires of posing (and trying to answer) the "Why Go to Mysore/Why go to the Source?" question.Which is great: If nothing else, it gives me more material to Ashtangeek about :-) 

In the course of reading the many responses that have been given to this question over the past few weeks, I have noticed that there are at least three main themes that run through all these responses. Each theme can be divided into two parts, a thesis and an anti-thesis:

Theme (1) : The Magic of that room at KPJAYI

Thesis: "You should go to Mysore because it is the source of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga. There is a certain magic to practicing in that practice room at KPJAYI that simply cannot be replicated elsewhere."

Anti-thesis: "Sure, there may be a certain magic in practicing in that room, but the experience is really no more magical than practicing anywhere else: When it comes down to it, the magic is in the practice, not in any particular physical place. If you think that your practice will magically transform just because you are at KPJAYI, or that you will somehow magically emerge from that place a much more self-realized being, well, you're just misguided."

Theme (2): The Magic of India/the Motherland

Thesis: "The experience of traveling to India/Mysore transforms you fundamentally, in a way that cannot happen if you simply study with an authorized or certified teacher where you are."

Anti-thesis: "Sure, the experience of traveling to India/Mysore may transform you radically, but what is really doing the transforming here is the experience of a different culture, not anything related to the practice. If you were to go to, say, Italy, and immerse yourself in its culture like you would immerse yourself in the culture of India, you will also experience the same transformation. Guaranteed, or your money back :-)"

Theme (3): At KPJAYI/The Source, you get unparalleled instruction in Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga

Thesis: "Studying Ashtanga at KPJAYI is like attending the Harvard or Yale or MIT of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga. You are studying with this guy (Sharath) who has spent 21 years living and studying with Guruji, and who is totally dedicated to the life work of his grandfather. It is as close as you will ever get to studying with Guruji himself."

Anti-thesis: "These days, there are so many people studying at KPJAYI (as many as 400 at one time) that you are unlikely to get much individual attention from Sharath. What good is being in the presence of somebody who has studied for such a long time with Guruji if you can't get him to pay you much attention? Besides, with so many people there, the whole place has become at least as much a socializing hotspot, a.k.a Club Mysore, as it is a place of serious spiritual pursuit. Why spend all that money and time to travel halfway across the world just to socialize with a bunch of people and get entangled with one another's chitta vrttis? Moreover, you are much more likely to get more individualized attention if you study with an authorized or certified teacher where you are, where the classes are almost certain to be so much smaller."

If you read this blog regularly, you probably have a pretty good idea where I stand with regard to the three themes above. So I'm not going to repeat myself here. Instead, I'll just sign off here, and leave you to ponder and draw your own conclusions about the relative strengths and weaknesses of the theses and anti-theses in the three themes. If you think that there is a theme I have left out, or if you just have something to share, I'll love to hear from you. 

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“The ancient intuition that all matter, all “reality,” is energy, that all phenomena, including time and space, are mere crystallizations of mind, is an idea with which few physicists have quarreled since the theory of relativity first called into question the separate identities of energy and matter. Today most scientists would agree with the ancient Hindus that nothing exists or is destroyed, things merely change shape or form; that matter is insubstantial in origin, a temporary aggregate of he pervasive energy that animates the electron.”

—	Peter Matthiessen

A week into my trip I was asked to assist the first shift of Mysore classes. Point being, it's crowded here, extra hands are needed, rounds of authorized teachers are being asked. This is not a status thing, and at the same time, I am honored to participate. If my teacher asks, I say yes.

Being in the room, observing people of various age groups, nationalities, body types, backgrounds, and personalities, breathe and move through this transformational practice is an amazing sight. It is literally one of the most beautiful images I have set my eyes on. I don't exaggerate. It again validates why I do what I do, and how integral it has woven into my day to day life. I live better doing this practice. I feel more profoundly. At first it was a challenge to live with this heightened sensitivity.  However, the more I have honored and trusted this space created, it has strengthened over time. I am able to connect to my higher wisdom. To experience it. To taste it. And, it never comes from a cerebral place. It lies deep down in my gut and into the chambers of my heart. A knowing. A pulsation.

This pulsation reverberates throughout the shala like a rhythmic heartbeat. Sometimes slow and steady. Other times fast and sharp. It's always a continuous march. As the hours progress a steam starts to rise. Much transformation happens here. Sometimes I get lost in it. More often I feel at home. 

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I've been keeping to myself lately, so I haven't weighted in on all sorts of interesting yoga news. Most everything has been said already.. but here's an abridged version of my two-cents on the biggest yoga stories to break in the last few weeks.

1. Yoga can wreck your body. No shit! That's why teachers are so careful to tell you to bend your front knee at a 90 degree angle in standing poses, get the guidance of an experienced teacher before you try an advanced pose like Headstand, and never EVER move your head when you're practicing Shoulderstand. Why are people acting like this is a breaking news story? I'm tired of reading about it. Stop. Please.

2. Companies use sexy yoga models to sell stuff. Yes.. And this is different from companies using sexy non-yoga models to sell things how? I just don't see why this is a big deal. BTW, I know the point of this spoof video (below) was that yoga actually is NOT sexy. But in fact, I think it's way sexier than the first video. It's a dude... doing yoga.. and being funny at the same time. It wouldn't make me buy anything, but I still think it's pretty sexy.

YogaDawg.blogspot.com

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I was just watching David Garrigues' latest blog post, and the two videos that he has embedded in the post. Wow, the man is like a walking Encyclopedic Ashtanga Exclamation Mark! I really want to go study with him someday. I hear that he is now in Kovalam teaching a workshop. While I, of course, am here in this snowbound tundra of the upper midwest. Why, oh why does everybody seem to be in India except me?

But lamenting and complaining isn't going to get me anywhere. So I'm going to try to say something useful here. Back to David G's post. I've only seen the first video (I plan to save the second one for when I have a little more time later today). In the post and the video, David talks about the relation between receptivity and effort in the practice, and how breath helps us to become more receptive in the midst of effort.

In the first video, he talks about one very common experience that many Ashtangis have: You are in a vinyasa, inhaling up into upward dog. And then suddenly, in the middle of updog, you discover that your lungs are full, and you just can't inhale any further! What do you do? Stop breathing? David's answer is surprisingly commonsensical: Take an extra breath (duh!). When the questioner asks further, "But should we try to finish updog in one breath?" David's answer was, "Yes, but you need to work on the ability to do so."

The idea, as I understand it, is to do your best to follow the vinyasa breath count, but not to force it. Due to many different reasons, every breath that we take will naturally be different in length and duration. And for the same reasons, every updog and downdog will also feel different. It certainly won't help matters to try so hard to make your breath so long that it starts to feel unnatural and forced.

But as I was watching the video, it also occurred to me that even though every updog and downdog is different, there is also a certain distinctive kind of feeling that accompanies both updog and downdog. Here's how I think of it: Doing yoga is kind of like withdrawing into the bottom of a well. Whenever I do updog, it kind of feels like I am using the inhalation to float up to the top of the well to get some fresh air. And when I go into downdog, I feel like I am going back into the bottom of the well to reground and recenter myself for the flight "up" into updog and into the next posture in the sequence. At any rate, this is the image that occurs to me as I was watching David's explanation in his video.

There is something else in David's post that really speaks to me. He writes:

"The deepest person within each of us knows the larger, more comprehensive nature of things beyond the limited appearance of things that the ego and senses apprehend. Learning to identify ourselves with this greater perspective is the subject of receptivity. When we use our ego and senses to become aware in an inward direction, we will find that there is a sort of knowing that has its own direction, its own intelligence, its own necessity to fulfill something through us. And so in a practical, on-the-mat way, receptivity is the sustained effort to give up control enough to receive the wisdom that lies within our inmost core. And then to follow the direction of this wisdom with as much trust as we put in our ego and our ideas and feelings of how we control or shape our lives through our choices."

Notice that David does not say that we should get rid of our ego (like this is even possible). Rather, he says that we should "use our ego and senses to become aware in an inward direction", to "find that there is a sort of knowing that has its own direction, its own intelligence, its own necessity to fulfill something through us." It is in the nature of ego to want to extend and to achieve, to want to make this or that "mine", "my own." Anybody who has ever over-extended or injured himself in the course of practice knows where this can lead :-)

But I think David is suggesting that perhaps we can harness this same extending, achieving drive of the ego, and shine its light inwards and use it to attain greater self-understanding. In other words, the same ego that can over-extend outwards can also be made to turn inward and help us to understand our minds and bodies better. Recently, a teacher gave me some interesting advice in working with my knee. He wrote,

"...do allow yourself the coming time to learn what your knee likes to do (rather than what you like your knee to do for you) and in that process expect no linear line ahead. you'll most likely be surprised of what you can do, as well as of what you cannot do. also, your knee will be sensitive to weather, sleep, diet, emotion and so forth."

The first time I read these lines, I almost cracked up. It reminds me of something a former U.S. President once said ("Ask not what your knee can do for you--ask what you can do for your knee!"). Very simple, commonsensical advice, really, but not always easy to follow. But I think the same idea as what David was talking about in his post applies here: Rather than allow the ego to indiscriminately extend outwards, try to get the ego to listen and find out what the body needs, and work accordingly.

Alright... I think I'll sign off here. Can't write much more without overextending myself and violating blogging drishti (I guess the same rules apply to Ashtanga blogging as to practice :-)). As always, if you have anything to say, I'll love to hear from you.          

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Finding a new place to call home is a strange and wonderful task--especially when you're looking for a home that you'll be able to call home indefinitely.

Like yoga, house hunting is a practice of self exploration.

Through a long and tedious process of looking into other people's homes, you discover what's most important to you in life. Are you more worried about having the best flooring and appliances, having great outdoor space, or being close to town? Are aesthetics more important or functionality? Are you the kind of person loves a project or would you rather have exactly what you wanted from the get-go? If you examine it closely, it can give you some profound insight into the person you are and the life you live.

House hunting is also about balance. You have to balance the perception of who you think you are with who you want to be in life, and how you want others to perceive you. Do you want to be one of those people who pay much more for a home just so you can say live in a particular neighborhood--the upwardly-mobile neighborhood, the artsy-fartsy neighborhood, or the hipster neighborhood--or are you OK with less prestige?

You compromise on some things to set yourself up for the life you want.

It took my husband and I almost a year to find the house we finally (FINALLY!) moved into a month and a half ago. We're not in a posh neighborhood near a yoga studio (drat!), but we have hardwood floors (so I can happily unroll my mat in any room in the house!), a fenced in backyard where our doggy can run like the wind, and a kitchen that makes me so happy to prepare food it's OK that our dining out budget has been drastically reduced.

After living in cramped apartments for last decade, I feel incredibly blessed to have a house that with a little elbow grease (and a TON of paint) we can make our own! But I feel even more lucky for the lessons that I've learned along the way. I'm sure there will be many, MANY more. :)

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